Norman the Clairvoyant has been placed in the witness protection program after numerous violent attempts to kidnap him in order to determine the whereabouts of the President.
“This is ridiculous” writes senior epistemic expert Lawrence Bonjour, who first called attention to Norman’s condition in his famous paper, “Externalist Theories of EmpiricalKnowledge” published in Midwest Studies in Philosophy, “Norman doesn’t know where the president is. He never did know. End of story.”
But a strong and vocal minority is not persuaded by Bonjour’s analysis. “We think there’s a good chance that Norman does know where the president is." Says Fred Drestke, a self-proclaimed Mad-Dog Reliabilist. "This makes him a target for any rogue group that would seek to use that highly specialized knowledge to gain access to the president’s whereabouts, his travel habits, even his spending habits. There’s a possibility that Norman knows this information and that other groups will seek to take it from him. Norman is not safe.”
Likewise, Rene Descartes is likewise unconvinced. "Norman may not have a clear and distinct perception of the president's whereabouts," Descartes told reporters, "But he does have moral certainty. And that is enough to warrant the White House taking immediate action."
A representative from the white house reported, “It doesn’t matter whether Norman knows or doesn’t know where the President is. The bottom line is that some people think that Norman knows, and that poses a threat both to Norman’s safety, and the safety of the President. Placing Norman in the witness protection service is the only option as far as we are concerned.”
David Hume, a prominant skeptic who holds that no one has knowledge, could not be reached for comment.